and then it was december

so november flew by ridiculously fast this year..
at the beginning of the month we went to the charger game vs. green bay!  one of nick's friends treated us to an amazing day at the game.  first we got picked up from our house in a limo!  he treated us to drinks, lunch, and an amazing view of the game with plaza level seats.  whether it's baseball or football or whatever, games are always fun to go to but it's usually more fun to watch it on TV because you get the best view.. that was definitely not the case this time.. it was so great!!  it was pouring rain the whole game and freezing out, but we just put plastic bags over us and cheered on!  chargers lost.. but what's new.

the weekend before thanksgiving nick went camping with some of his friends from college and i got to spend the weekend with my sister!  brooke went on a mission trip to mexico and afterwards got dropped off in san diego.  we had sister time.. something we absolutely never get and that i wish i had more of.  we got mani/pedis, eybrows done, shopped, ate sushi, and just got to be together.  

it was perfect because then brooke, nick, chloe and i drove up to my parents house in vacaville for thanksgiving.  i love thanksgiving, and not only because of the delicious food (but my grandma's gravy is the greatest thing in the world.. i can eat it like soup).  i love it because family comes together and these days getting all of us together is a special thing, whereas just a few years ago it was the normal everyday.  i think definitely took those years for granted.  not that i didn't enjoy being with my family, but now it's something that i long for and desire. all the time.  the Lord has blessed with me with such an amazing, loving, fun, encouraging, and supportive family.  He has given me so many blessings and I have much to be thankful for.  my sweet husband is more than i could have ever asked for or dreamed of.  i feel like i absolutely don't deserve him.  he is so handsome.. he has this look in his eyes that gets me every time and his smile is just so captivating. i adore him.  he is a man after the Lord's heart and treats me like a princess.  he is such a provider, leader, lover, encourager and my best friend.

i could just go on and on about him.

i am also so thankful for my sweet pup.  chloe is such a crazy little bundle of joy.. and she does just that, she brings me so much joy!! i'm kind of obsessed with her.  she is my precious baby, until i have a real one, and then maybe she'll become a dog. 
BUT more than anything else, i am thankful for a loving Savior.  i am thankful that Jesus would die on the cross for me and take all my sins, washing me clean.  i am thankful for His unconditional love and the fact that He will never give up on me and that He is constantly pursuing me.  I am so overwhelmed and humbled by the Lord!

pink champagne in the most amazing glass my mom got from greece.. i can't find them anywhere here!!

the thanksgiving table

aaaaand i think that is just about it!
now it's december 1st so it want to say..
Merry Christmas!!

it's officially the Christmas season.. bring on Amy Grant Christmas music and my noel scented candle... all we need now is weather below 80 degrees!! 

hume lake

this past weekend i got to smell the crisp mountain air.. there is truly nothing like being up at hume.  since brooke is in joshua and had this weekend off (and i haven't seen her since june) and my parents just got back from italy & greece, we decided that we would meet up on the mountain and spend some sweet time together.  i must really love my family to drive 14 hours round trip to be together for less than 48 hours!  being up there where i have spent so much of my life, with family, was so good for my soul and even though we left so tired, we were so refreshed.

i loved getting to spend time with my sister and seeing her life up on the hill and in the building where i spent the same nine intense months.  we got to meet her friends and i am so excited about the community of solid kids she has around her. 

when we left on sunday it was so weird to me that we were leaving and she was staying there.  something about it still doesn't seem right.. she's the baby!  i don't think it's hit me yet that she doesn't live at home anymore.  baby girl is growing up!  spending time with my family isn't what it used to be.  i have always loved being with my family but as we get older the time we have together is so much more precious.  as brooke and i have gotten older my relationship with her has changed and the same with my parents.. and i love it.  i love that my sister, who for most of my life was annoying to me, is now one of my very best friends and is actually cooler than me.  how does that happen? haha.  and my parents who used to be my authority, not my friends, are suddenly my best friends.
i have been blessed with one incredible family.  and as family is always evolving and changing, i am so thankful for the little family i have with nick.

Gods presence at hume is evident and indescribable.
He is good and you can guarantee that He will meet you there.

amen.

heavy hearted

this post is a few weeks late but i haven't really known what to say so i figure that it's better late than never.  two weeks ago today my friend Nadyne had a tragic fall and passed away.  she was (it doesn't seem right talking about her in past tense) such an amazing girl that i have been blessed to call my friend for so many years.  Nadyne and I went to elementary school, junior high, and high school together.  we grew up in the same church and went to youth group together and were in the same small group.  we went to winter camp and summer camp every year and shared so many memories.  we went on mission trips to mexico and worked at mary's pizza shack together.  i loved that little peanut.


i was so sad that i wasn't able to make it up to vacaville for her memorial service but so thankful that they had the service live online to watch and be a part of.  it was such an incredible service.  it was more of a celebration of her life.  the amount of people she touched in her short 23 years is unreal.  the things people said about her and the stories they told of how she shined and how she served and loved people like Jesus.. it was amazing.  it was everything you hope people would say about you.


since we're still here on earth we are so sad that we have to go on without her bright spirit and vibrant life.. and that is hard.  the beauty on the other side is that she is now with Jesus.  she is not in any pain.  she gets to walk the streets of Heaven.  i thought of the song "i can only imagine" by mercyme.. Nadyne isn't imagining anymore, she is there seeing it all!
it still doesn't seem real.. and i think that is why i haven't really known what to say.  it was and still is so shocking.  i think, she can't REALLY by gone. she was such a precious girl that would brighten any room.  she wouldn't take anyone's crap and would shoot things straight.  you don't meet people like her everyday.. she was a precious girl and is desperately missed by everyone who has ever known her.


In the midst of all of this sadness, the thing that I have clung to is the hope we have in Jesus.  
God gives us this unexplainable peace that is beyond anything we could ever understand.  and He is sovereign and good.
Nadyne left the earth and went Home while doing what she loved.  She was working at a camp, serving Jesus and loving people.. and that is beautiful.


Life is short and precious and in an instant it can be taken.  Live your life with purpose and don't take any moment for granted.  If there is something on your heart you want to tell someone or do for someone.. don't wait. do it.

i am so thankful to have known Nadyne.  I love her and miss her.. and one day I will see her in Heaven.

Nadyne Janette Qirreh

1988-2011

love & war

"You have been entrusted with the heart of another human being.  Whatever else your life's great mission will entail, loving and defending this heart next to you is part of your great quest.  Marriage is the privilege and the honor of living as close to the heart as two people can get.  No one else in all the world has the opportunity to know each other more intimately than do a husband and wife.  We are invited into their secret lives, their truest selves; we come to know their nuances, their particular tastes, what they think is funny, what drives them crazy.  We are entrusted with their hopes and dreams, their wounds, and their fears.  An incredible honor is bestowed on the one to whom we pledge our lives and a deep privilege is given to us as well."  {chapter two, love & war}

about a month ago  i went on a lunch date with my sweet friend michelle.  we ate sushi (i think i eat too much sushi..) and talked the afternoon away for three whole hours.  we talked a lot about marriage and our marriages and she recommended a book to me, called "love and war" by john and stasi eldredge.  i knew that they were the authors of "captivating" (which i started like 8 times and never finished) and "wild at heart" (which nick loved).  i didn't really have much of an expectation going into and had nothing to lose so i ordered two copies for nick and i to read together.  we had been talking about wanting to go through a book together and spend our time digging deeper into each other instead of posting up in front of the tv after an exhausting day.. which is too easy to get caught up in doing.
i am only three chapters in, but let me just say that this book has changed my life, the way i view marriage & nick.  after reading only the first chapter, my heart felt so full and i was so beyond encouraged.  i love when the Lord works that way and meets us right where we are, when He speaks through people to write books that speak straight to my heart.  these chapters are packed full of wisdom and john and stasi being so real and honest- no sugar coating.  since this book is so intense (and nick is one chapter behind) i thought i would take today to reflect on the first three chapters and really let them sink in to my heart. 
i want to share some of the parts that i highlighted.  (i'm a highlighter.. nick isn't. he feels too guilty to "mess" up the book :)

chapter one

in the beginning they recognize right off the bat how hard marriage is.  i went into it knowing it wasn't going to be easy, but that it, no matter how hard it gets, is worth it.  they share their early struggles and make you feel more sane for having some of the same ones.  

• "asking for your marriage to flourish without God is like asking a tree to blossom without sunshine and water."
• "because marriage is hard, sometimes painfully hard, your first Great Battle is not to lose heart"  
  chapter two
   
• "i prayed yesterday that God would come into our sexuality; I prayed that his glory would fill our marriage bed." i love this. why would we pray for this? it seemed kind of weird to me at first but, oh my gosh. God is the creator of sex and intimacy so why wouldn't or shouldn't we be praying for this?!
• "love and intimacy are the core of His being, and so He gives to each of us a heart like His.  When God does this, he reveals our deepest purpose- to love and be loved."
• "but love is more powerful than Satan thought.  God will not abandon his beloved, even though we have abandoned Him.  He comes for us.  He fights to win us back."
• "Christianity is the greatest love story the world has ever known."
• "The heart of a man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue... The heart of a woman longs for someone to fight for her, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to offer beauty... Notice how perfectly the desires of our hearts fit together.  Our souls are made for oneness in the same way our bodies fit beautifully together.  God designed us to bring one another passionate joy."  this might be my favorite.
• "I'll wager that 90 percent of the confusion, misunderstanding, struggle and disappointment in marriage is due to the fact that we do not understand what God is up to." 
• "God created marriage as a living, breathing portrait laid out before the eyes of the world so that they might see the story of the ages... It is a story of redemption, a story of healing; it is a story of love.  God gives us marriage to illustrate His heart toward us.  It is the deepest and most mythic reality in the world- that love is true, that God pursues us."
• "God uses marriage to bring us the possibility of the deepest joys in life; Satan tries to use it for destruction.  Without you, your spouse will not become the man or the woman that God intends him or her to be and the Kingdom of God will not advance as it is meant to advance... No one will have a great impact on your spouse's soul than you.  No one has greater access to your spouse's heart than you.  This is an enormous honor."
• "Of course loving costs everything- look at the Cross. But loving is always worth it... The devil hates marriage; he hates the beautiful picture of Jesus and His Bride that it represents."

chapter three

• "Marriage is the rushing stream God uses to shape us into more loving people."
• "He lures us into marriage and then uses it to transform us."
• "And what does learning to love look like?  Well, for one thing, it looks like compassion for your spouse's brokenness while choosing to turn from your own self-protective style of relating."
• "Understanding your spouse by understanding the unfolding story of their life is priceless."
• "What would happen in your relationship if you could both make the shift from 'changing you' to 'changing me'?" 
• "And we understand that there is no place on earth quite like marriage for the kind of transformation God is after."

 WOW. and that's just a little taste.

 after feeling so ministered to by words in this book i journaled..

One chapter in and the Lord is already speaking to my heart and giving me so much encouragement and hope.  I knew marriage would be hard, but I've never been married and so I didn't know what to expect.  Being married has brought out so much ugliness in my heart in the way i respond, it has surfaced my selfishness and put my immaturity on display.  as much as i try to deny it, i have fallen guilty to looking to nick for my happiness way more than i should.  nick is tangible and God is not which makes it so easy to stop trusting God sometimes.  i have always said that i will be a wife who loves the Lord more than my husband and i want so badly for that to be true...

When things get hard for us, or we get into an argument i feel so disheartened, i feel like a failure and i feel devastated.  i just want to be the best wife for nick.  i think one of the most beautiful things about marriage is that there is no hiding anything..  to nick, i am fully known and ever after all the crap is out there, i am still fully loved.  i have realized that love is messy and painful.. and refining.  God uses us to sharpen each other and the process more often than not hurts.  in order to keep Jesus at the center of our marriage we have to be intentional and it's not always easy to do but wow, when we let Him slip it's so obvious...

Nick's desires and mine are so different.  The way we both feel loved are completely different.  I want him to know me in and out, i want him to romance me, to be continually pursuing my heart, to validate my feelings and to fight for me no matter the cost.  i want to feel desired and beautiful.  i want to share every part of life and always be on the same page.  Nick needs to be validated as a man, and that he is good enough.  He needs to be encouraged and believed in, even in his wildest dreams.  He needs me to pursue and seduce him...

i feel a new season coming on, with so many unknowns, but i am really encouraged and excited about it.  i want to love nick like never before.  i want to become a better lover to him.  i want to keep learning him and everything in his heart.  i want to encourage and support him in a way that leaves no question.  i want to keep learning and growing."

as you can see, the Lord is stirring up a lot in my heart. 

people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest.  well, it isn't a cake walk but it's been the most incredible journey so far so if this is the worst then i can't wait to see what is to come.  between reading this book & spending the night at our wedding night hotel, listening to a million love songs, i have been pretty sappy and emotional the last few days.  i feel so honored to play such an 'irreplaceable role' in nick's life.  it's not something to take lightly and i have a lot to learn.  i'm so thankful for the handsome, patient, encouraging, loving, supportive, providing, and thoughtful husband i have.  the Lord has blessed me with a man with the most beautiful heart i have ever known.  i have fallen so much deeper in love with my husband and with the creator of love.

best weekend ever.

where to begin?!  i feel kind of weird writing out all the details of my amazing weekend thinking that someone would actually care to read it.. but i'm still excited about it so i'm going to anyways :)
on thursday night my friend faith spent the night with us because until she gets married on june 4th she is couch surfing and traveling back and forth to chicago and up to see her hubby-to-be in seal beach.  in the morning we got up way too early, started the day off right and went to the gym, then did some shopping!
also on thursday, my friend casey dropped off her adorable pup for the weekend so she could go cheer on her hubby for the padre/rockies series in colorado!  memphis was sooo much fun to have and he and chloe just had the best time together!  casey is the cutest little prego girl and she just blesses me so much!

on friday i spent the afternoon with vittoria & my friend kate who just moved to san diego for the summer!  we went to sushi then just hung out at home and watched date night.. i definitely think that movie is funnier the second time.  the first time i was so freaked out by it!
saturday was faith's bachelorette party.. we started at nicole's apartment with drinks, appetizers, crazy games and gifts.  then nicole's husband tony drove us downtown for a night of fun.  we went from place to place dancing the night away and enjoying a girls night out.  it was an amazing night that only got better as it went on!!

sunday was my favorite day of all.  so for a while now nick and i have been so busy with working (we have completely opposite schedules) and having so many things to do and places to be that we just sort of got into a routine.  i love coming home to him every night but by the time i get home he is exhausted :(  i'm dying to go on a romantic getaway or have a honeymoon round 2.. just to be somewhere else, with nothing to do but love on each other and relax and forget about all the demands in our everyday life.  also, since we got married we have been wanting to go back to the hotel we stayed at on our wedding night- INCREDIBLE.  It's called Se San Diego and it's in the gaslamp district downtown.  the other day on travelzoo they had a deal for that hotel and a bunch of extras thrown in so i went for it!  we stayed in the one bedroom king suite with a separate living area on the 15th floor with beautiful views of the skyline.. it was perfect.

our room was so amazing

for dinner we were deciding between a nice fancy steak dinner or...

sushi just sounded so amazing!!  it was great and we ran into the cute little walker family while we were there!!
after dinner we went back to the hotel.  it was the best feeling in the world to have nothing to do but each other.  yes i did just say that :)  among other things, we just got to hold each other without distraction, hear each other's hearts, talk about the future and what we want, and how incredible God is for creating this thing called marriage that we are so beyond blessed to have with each other.  the physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy is unreal.. and that is exactly how God created it to be.  as incredible as our marriage is we know there is more.. there has to be more.  marriage is a picture of God's love to us in the flesh and gosh, we are striving to love like never before and go deeper than we could ever think is possible.  i'm so thankful for the time we had this weekend to fall more in love and reach new heights in our relationship.  i love that it is only through Christ that nick and i can love each other the way we do.  i am so proud and honored to be nick's wife.  i'm feeling blessed today.. you should too :)

he is not here for he is risen

after going to israel, the reason that we celebrate easter and what jesus did for us is so much more real to me.  i walked the streets that jesus walked and sat in the places that he did his ministry.  i would love more than anything to be able to go back there and experience it with nick.  the resurrection of Christ is the solid foundation of our faith, and without that we have nothing.  i am just so overwhelmed and thankful for His love and his sacrifice for us.

the boat we took on the sea of galilee

getting baptised in the jordan river where jesus was baptised

amen.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live


There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ


No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

........................................................................................................................................................

this easter nick and i spent it with our second family.. the picones.  my best friend vittoria's family have adopted us into their family and have loved on us like no other.  when i barely knew them they welcomed me into their home and let me live with them for months.  everytime i go there i leave feeling beyond blessed and so thankful to have them in our lives.. i truly feel like a daughter to them and it's so comforting since my family is so far away.  we had such a wonderful day of fellowship and eating yummy italian food, followed by church, and a not so traditional sushi dinner afterwards.

precious little cousins.. they thought cesar was their personal horse

vitt & jon

chloe & dominic, the brother i never had

mama p.. i love her!

papa picone.. love him!

we had such a blessed day and just feel so loved :)